we believe in giving our students the tools they need for their inevitable lives, not their dreams. Why spend countless hours studying economics or preparing for the LSATS when you can spend your valuable time learning the real tools of the trade you will need for post­grad life? Our classes include a wide range of topics such as but not limited to fry­cooking, proper trash disposal, dog walking, house keeping, and the fundamentals of a cash register. The knowledge learned from your time spent at the University of False Hopes will send you into the minimum- wage workforce with the training you will need to possibly one day work your way up to manager­status at the retail store of your dreams. We at the University of False Hopes believe in teaching our students that when they leave our institute of higher learning, they will not experience the same luck their parents and grandparents did after graduation in terms of being hired by well­esteemed companies, but instead will be in competition with one another for low- wage jobs. If you are undeclared or uncertain about which of our unfulfilling majors you would like to declare, take our major matching quiz to learn more about what major is the best fit for you.