MENU

freedom... that is why you fight, isn't it? you despise thinking that you can be controlled, and the mere thought that your fate is already written out for you makes your blood boil. that's not freedom, that's merely being a caged bird, under the illusion that you're free to fly. as nikolai said, a caged bird doesn't know that they're caged. you want to defy your fate, you want to be free, free to make your own choices, free of rules. rules only drag and bring you down, anyways. people have probably tried to control you before, and you never realized until it was too late. or perhaps you did, but you couldn't do anything against it, like a foolish human. you hated that feeling- and you still feel that way. are you being manipulated? used? well, you're still caged. a prisoner of life in your own body. you know this, too- you wish you could be free of everything. your emotions, your face, your haunting thoughts that follow you like a shadow, unrelenting. being human in itself is restricting, so you wish you could lose your humanity and stop feeling and functioning like one. this isn't freedom. no, it never is. yet when you do stop feeling like one, it's so utterly boring- this isn't freedom either. hey, what is this freedom you so utterly desire? what is it? you cannot answer that question, because you don't know. how do you expect to reach freedom if you don't even know what freedom is, you silly, pathetic clown? you want you rip your soul out of your body, and free yourself from your suffering, but you cannot. you will never be free, no matter what universe you are in. emotions are a burden, but you need them to survive. but you don't want to survive, you want to live. you have never lived once in your life, and you desire to do so more than anything, even though you yourself don't know what truly living is. you will never feel satiated. oh, and you use humor as a coping mechanism. you loved seeing people laugh because of you, whether it be with or at- does it really matter? you're the funny friend, and nobody will take you seriously. you try so hard to make them laugh. at your jokes! at your voice! at your 50 different mental illnesses! yes, if you ever confided in someone, they'll simply laugh and brush it off, because you're just the jester that everyone knows and loves. always a clown, never a human. well, you tell yourself that's just an advantage- if everyone else finds it amusing, maybe you will one day, too. is that what freedom is? no, no it's not. besides, you don't trust them enough with your emotions- if you've ever slipped up, you can just pretend like you're telling a joke. they'll believe you, like always. you're a great liar! you're sadistic, and you're completely aware of it and how wrong it is. you relish in seeing people in pain, whether it be those you love or those you hate. what's wrong with you? why can't you change? it's not like you don't care about them but seeing them in anguish lets you feel entertained to some degree. it's wrong. everyone you know would hate you if they knew what a sadist you are... you feel guilty for enjoying their pain. you know you shouldn't... but bad people can't stop being bad people, no matter how hard they try. as long as you're human, you will never be free. you will never stop being human.