You're painfully nostalgic and you've never let anything go in your life, for you everything just changes so fast. You have the type of anxiety that makes you need to be prepared for any possible outcome, but I think it's because you just want to be given the chance to prove you're worth keeping around. It's not that you're necessarily hoping for the world to end, maybe you just want everyone to also know what it feels like to have life as they know it collapsing around them.